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Dictate of Kruphix, Dictate of Karametra, or Kami of the Crescent Moon are enough reason for your opponents to keep you in play, but they tend to favor everyone equally and don't put you ahead

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Tifa, Martial Artist is the secondary commander and might even be better if you shy away from the equipment theme

Take 1 "Volcanic" monster from your Deck, and either add it to your hand or Special Summon it, ignoring its Summoning conditions, but return it to the hand during the End Phase

And by pickle I mean your brain, because Im sure its quite pickled after some 10 years worth of sloshing it around in alcohol